Shadows

By M. Willow

Chapter Four

Starsky sat on the bed of his best friend, his mind still replaying the incident in the east wing.  Something had scared Hutch in that room, something that made him run away, almost like something was chasing him.  He had called for his friend to stop, saw the frightened look in his eyes when he turned, but he kept running.   It had taken everything to catch up with the hysterical man, but he’d finally prevailed and Hutch had passed out when he touched him.  He still remembered the look on his face right before he’d passed out.  Terror, sheer terror.  He had never seen Hutch so afraid.  It had taken all he had to get the tall blond back to the west wing and into his room, but he had a feeling that if Hutch woke up in the east wing, he would become hysterical again.

Now the blond sat on the bed, his head down, his hands moving nervously through the tussled blond hair. 

“I don’t know what happened, Starsk.  I just got scared.”

Starsky grabbed his friend’s arm and Hutch started.  “I’m sorry.  I don’t know what got into me.” He said, meeting Starsky’s eyes.

“No need to apologize, but Hutch, you gotta talk about this thing.  You were hysterical.  You acted like you didn’t know me.  You passed out when I touched you.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Hutch, talk to me. Tell me what’s s’matter.”

Hutch shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Can’t you see I don’t know.”

“What scared you, buddy?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Starsky laid his hand on the tense muscles of Hutch’s back. “Since when couldn’t we talk about things?”

“Since now.  Since I don’t know what the hell happened to me back there.  Since I’m scared and don’t know what to do about it.”

“Then let me help you,” Starsky said softly.  “Don’t shut me out.”

 “I’m not shutting you out,” he said meeting the brunet’s eyes.  “I just can’t describe it.  It was like I was somewhere else for awhile.”

“What do you mean, somewhere else?”

“Starsk, I can’t talk about this.  I need to sort it out in my mind first.  Can’t we just leave it?”

Starsky didn’t want to leave it, not this time, but he saw the resolve in Hutch’s eyes.  No way was he going to get him to talk when he had that look.  All he could do was stay near until Hutch was ready.

“Okay, but when you’re ready…”

“You’ll be the first person I’ll come to.”  Hutch smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes.  “Now, let’s get out of here.  We’ve got a treasure hunt waiting for us.”

0000000

Hutch glanced at the dark-haired man sitting next to him in the car.   He was grateful that Starsky hadn’t pressed him on his hysteria back at the house.  Frankly, Hutch couldn’t describe what had been going on in his mind.  Everything was just so vague.  One moment everything was alright, and then he saw the shadow.  It was the same shadow he’d seen the first day they’d arrived.  He remembered looking into his friend’s face, and then something happened and he was alone.  It was like he had been transported somewhere else and he didn’t remember Starsky was in that room, and he didn’t remember why he was there.  He was alone in the room and the shadow was coming.  He had run, leaving Starsky behind, something he would never do.  Oh, god he felt guilty.

In hindsight, he realized it was probably Starsky calling his name, following him as he ran down the hall.  In hindsight.  But, he could still feel the terror, still feel the things icy grip.  Even now, in the safety of the car, the sunlight bright in the sky, he felt afraid.  His rational mind knew that shadows didn’t take on form and follow people down dark halls.  His rational mind knew that.  Still, he remembered the terror and shuddered involuntarily.

“You alright, Hutch?” Starsky asked, placing his hand on the blond’s shoulder.

He wanted to tell him, but doing that would mean Starsky wouldn’t leave in a few days.  No way would he leave his certifiable going nuts partner to face his parents alone.  It had always been his plan for the brunet to leave before they arrived.  He felt guilty. He had been honest with Starsky throughout their friendship about everything except his life in Duluth.  Now that secret was threatening to explode in a terrifying way, all because he couldn’t keep himself from becoming hysterical.

He met his friend’s eyes and tried to put confidence in the words.  “I’m fine, Starsk,” he said, hating the lie.  He was far from being okay, but convincing Starsky of that was more important than his actual well-being. 

Starsky looked at Hutch as if he was reading his mind.  The blond cringed and got out of the car.  It had been a bad idea coming to Lamb House with his partner, but he had needed him.   He still needed him.

He leaned against the car and steeled himself from the panic that was threatening to overtake him again.  He heard the car door close and his partner come to stand next to him.  He didn’t look at him.  Instead, he kept his eyes trained on the tiny store he hadn’t seen in years.

It was a small store with old country charm.  It had been one of his aunt’s favorite places.  He thought about the sad state of her house.  It was going to take a lot of work to get the place in shape.  He was thankful that it wasn’t his duty as executor of the will.  All he had to do was hire the men necessary to get the job done and head back to Bay City.  That is, if there was enough money in the will to even hire someone.   His aunt had obviously died a penniless woman, watching the house she’d loved all her life crumble around her.  It had to have been difficult for a woman who was so rich she could afford the finest things in life.  Hutch vowed that he’d use his own money if it took every dime.  He owed her that much.

She had been over forty when she married his uncle.  She had been his first crush.  He envied his uncle finding a woman like her.  He vowed that when he grew up he would marry her.  Instead she became the mother he had always wanted.  Yet when his uncle had died, he couldn’t bring himself to ever see her again.  It seemed heartless and he’d never considered himself a heartless man.

He had been only fourteen when his uncle had perished in a terrible car accident.  He’d been staying with them on that summer of death, his aunt having secured permanent custody from his parents.  He remembered it to this day.  It had been raining, raining with flashes of lightning that scared him as he sat in his room, the thunder almost deafening.  He had been alone and scared.  He still remembered that fear, seeping into ever pore.  He’d turned on every light that night, but it didn’t quell the since of foreboding and then his uncle was dead.  Just like that, dead and he left an orphan for now there was no place else to go but to his parents. 

He had waited then, waited for his aunt to rescue him, but she never came and so he lived with his parents until he was old enough to leave.  He died a thousand deaths as they tried to reshape him into the man they wanted him to be.  And maybe that’s why he never went back to see her.  Maybe he hated her for not taking him away.  Maybe even now he hated her for it.

He looked at Starsky and knew he needed to purge himself from those feelings, but everything was so muddled in his mind.  His memory of the year his uncle died was sketchy.  He had the feeling that he was missing something—something important.  

He felt his friend touch his shoulder and knew that Starsky could sense his declining mood.   He turned and looked at the brunet and saw the worry etched in his face.  “Hutch, just remember, I’m here for ya.  Me and thee, okay?”

Hutch nodded his head and briefly touched Starsky’s hand before heading into the store, Starsky following protectively behind. 

TBC